Beyond the Buttons: When Church Authority Becomes Spiritually Abusive
I was twelve when my family started attending a church affiliated with the Charity denomination. In this close knit and conservative community, most have roots in the Amish and Mennonite traditions. Fitting in was a genuine effort for us and the few others who, like my family, came from what they referred to as “The World.” While many aspects of their way of life are commendable, significant issues persist to this day.
When I was about fourteen, I remember sewing my first dress. Now I could finally meet the church standards and sew my own clothes! It was modest and plain, and as I wore it to church for the first time, the Pastor’s wife glanced me over, her face darkening with disappointment. I asked what was wrong and she said something to the effect that the buttons on my dress were not at all what the Church approves of. I looked down at the engraved daisy on the small metal buttons and felt deeply ashamed. I had no idea they were “worldly”, and it was all I could do to wait and get home to snip them off.
Though that was just one small example, over time, it has become increasingly apparent to me that legalism and religious abuse frequently coincide. Furthermore, there is a noticeable distortion within many ‘church’ structures, fostering an environment where these things can occur relatively unchecked. We saw this in Haiti as well, and these pervasive patterns emphasize the critical need for thorough and regular examination of our church leadership and practices.
Church authorities that deviate from the Scriptural teaching which define their roles are often rife with domineering and legalistic mandates. Some will even resort to leveraging ‘salvation’ or church privileges as tools for coercion and manipulation. Adherence is demanded, often divorced from God’s revealed will and tethered instead to the ever changing whims of humanity. They insist that God loves and accepts us if we adhere to these extra-biblical rules, whereas the truth of the Gospel teaches that God adopts and changes us because He loves us.
“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders…” “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.” Matt. 23:4, 13-14. [see all of Matthew 23.]
Many individuals, unable to bear the heavy yoke of man’s expectations, simply crumble, shattered, with no hope of ever living up to the law. As I write this, faces emerge in my mind, and tears well up for those still carrying the wounds from encountering this caricature of Jesus they were told they had to obey. They were presented with harsh imposters who threatened judgement every time one erred from the prescribed paths, but they never truly met Jesus.
It is a beautiful revelation when God in His mercy unveils the splendor of His extraordinary grace in Christ. What a joy to journey with a gentle and easy yoke, accompanied by Jesus of the Bible—who is overflowing with compassion, justice, truth, and grace. Carrying our cross becomes a fulfilling endeavor when we do it by and for a Savior who is truly worthy and good. In a church where leaders humbly shepherd under Christ, and members wholeheartedly embrace and treasure these precious truths, spiritual life flourishes and unity binds the entire body into one.
Distorted Church Authority Structures and Pharisaical Shadows
Referencing Scripture*, personal experience, and conversations with others, in a context marred by the misapplication of authority roles within a church, despair and obstacles to christian growth abound. These challenges often emerge when misguided church leaders attempt to conceal their preferences, wrongful actions, and departure from Scriptural truths under the guise of “unity” or “godly authority.” These leaders, along with their followers, often convince themselves that they possess ‘The Truth,’ but in reality, they have first and foremost, failed to be honest with themselves. In matters not clearly outlined in Scripture, they entirely overlook the reality that their perspective or preference is simply *their opinion* and should be considered as such. Sadly, they try and claim the authority of the Word of God, even invoking church discipline or threats of Hell for those who dissent.
Moreover, leaders in churches with unbiblical, hierarchical structures often establish systems to insulate themselves from contradiction or accountability. This typically involves grooming specific individuals or colleagues, employing privilege, flattery, and positional leverage for their benefit. Such power dynamics allow these leaders to advance personal agendas, participate in emotional and spiritual abuse, and propagate deceit without genuine accountability. If any indication of these actions surface, they often respond with character assassination and, at times, portray themselves as victims to garner sympathy. They control the narrative within the church, suppressing space for meaningful questions or discussion. A recent example of this all occurred in a local Reformed Baptist Church we attended last year, underscoring that such issues are not confined to any particular denomination.
I’ve often pondered whether these behaviors arise from ego, legalism, or a rejection of the truth. I have come to believe that most often all three aspects exist together.
This is evident in the actions of the Scribes and Pharisees in the New Testament. Their egos manifested as they sought admiration in markets and street corners. Driven by legalism they even attempted to trap Jesus and the disciples, condemning them for violating manmade laws. Notably, their failure to embrace the truth is evident in their rejection of both Christ and His message, ultimately falsely accusing and executing Him.
It’s easy to identify the flaws of those we only know through Scripture, yet how often do we overlook these very same behaviors within our own circles? Like the Pharisees, these faults are often concealed behind commendable qualities such as charisma, service, prayer, evangelism, influence, and notable deeds. There is a reason that the Biblical qualifications for Elders primarily describe traits of godly character.
Conclusion
These issues have persisted through the ages – how do they continue to perpetuate, and where does it stop?
1. It is important for all to recognize that Elders are an equal part with all Believers in the body of Christ. Jesus is the head of the church and an Elder’s authority and message should adhere to the bounds outlined in the Scriptures. We are called to honor and pray for them as they lead under the divine guidance of Christ, showing respect for the vital role they play in shepherding the congregation.
2. Unfortunately, this also needs to be said: Pastor’s wives do not likewise hold the position of elder. Numerous instances of church abuse stem from the wives of pastors who presume that they automatically wield command and authority, particularly over other women within the church. This notion is more prevalent than one might think, and is simply not Biblical.
3. We all share responsibility in maintaining the health of the church body. Sadly, it is not unusual, even for those who consider themselves mature Christians, to overlook facts and truth, even if confronted with the stark reality of being misled by slick talking leaders. Few are willing to question or challenge the status quo, fearing isolation and repercussions. Hence, the cycle persists, as individuals opt for a form of religion that prioritizes personal comfort and the preservation of appearance, revealing a collective disregard and neglect for the pursuit of truth.
4. Cultivating a personal love for Jesus and pointing others to Him is crucial for every individual in the body. This not only anchors the church in the foundational aspects of the Christian faith but also serves as a unifying force, guiding the entire body toward the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:17
*(Matt. 23, Matt. 20:25, 1 Peter 5:1-3)
