All my life I’ve enjoyed observing people. The flickers in their eyes and the subtleties of their expressions often reveal things like loneliness, insecurity, confidence, joy, envy or pain beneath the surface.
There is a deep curiosity in trying to understand human nature and why we do what we do. I’ve had many friends tell me I’m discerning. Sometimes when they share challenges they face, they assume that I don’t struggle with the same things.
No, actually. I often do.
See, before we can truly understand others, we must first be honest with and understand ourselves. As women, we often like to think we see things clearly. Yet discernment without compassion is simply judgment, and insight without inward honesty slips into arrogance. I know this because I’ve done it. I’ve used discernment to criticize rather than to restore.
“Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” (Gal. 6:1)
We don’t like to see ourselves for what we are though. It’s way easier to try to explain away and excuse the ugly things we’d rather avoid. We become masters at self delusion.
Honesty with ourselves is a daily choice. It’s pausing before we excuse that twinge of resentment or pride, and naming the loneliness behind our loudest laughs. Looking straight at those parts of ourselves we’ve ignored for years.
Do that, and the lens through which we see others clears. The person across from us is no longer a problem to diagnose, but a fellow human to understand. We stop measuring others against ourselves and step beside them under Christ.
Suddenly we realize discernment was never simply about sorting right from wrong.
It was meant to be something we offer as a gift — to understand without superiority, to listen without contempt, and to speak truth in love.
“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Prov. 20:5)
